Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Today's fortune: June 15, 2011

Today's fortune: You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble. Answer the call.I'm late with my post tonight because I was busy coming to the rescue of a friend in trouble.

At work today, I received an urgent text message from my friend Phil. He had just bought a new door for his house, and he needed my pickup truck and my muscles to move it. Phil is old and weak and he drives a sports car. I was happy to help. Besides, he allowed me to use the servant's bathroom after I was finished carrying in the door.

But that wasn't my only action today to answer the call of a friend in trouble. At work, my pal Dejon was given a new computer, and she was having trouble setting it up. I had received a new computer last week, so she asked for help.

(Don't think the whole "New Computer" thing is a terrific development. They process things zero percent faster than the old computers, and they perform exactly no new functions. But they are less dusty.)

I also made a purchase today that could potentially save lives.

The lives of our houseplants.

Last month, I made the drive to Frankenstein, Mo., to visit my aunt and uncle's nursery. I purchased the makings of an herb garden for Jamie as well as a couple lovely hanging baskets for our back patio. And over the past several weeks Jamie has been doing everything in her power to murder those plants.

This is not her first act of aggression toward plant kind. In fact, in the plant kingdom my wife is known as The Assassin. Plants, be warned: when Jamie gets her hands on you, you might not die today, or even tomorrow.

But

you

will

DIE.

And consider this: my wife is a vegetarian. All she eats is plants!

Since I don't feel Jamie's hatred toward flowers, I decided it was time to intervene on behalf of our hanging basketsby purchasing a two-pack of watering bulbs. They slowly drip water into plants over the course of several days.


You may think you've seen these advertised on television before, but you'd be wrong. Let's zoom in on that picture:

An important grammar lesson, kids: the difference between "like" and "as."

Here's hoping for a long, happy life for my plant friends. These watering bulbs should help keep The Assassin at bay by eliminating her most damaging weapon: forgetting to water the damn things.

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