Today's fortune: You will be awarded some great honor.
When I was a student at Franklin Elementary School, each year my chums and I participated in Field Day, a fun event for most but a demeaning thing for fatties. At Franklin, they made it so each kid participated in at least one event where he or she was assured a ribbon. For me, I usually won one ribbon each year: a third-place white ribbon (the most humiliating of all ribbon colors) for finishing third out of three teams in some kind of relay race. Although one year, I won a ribbon without the help of the rigged system: I placed second in the softball throwing competition.
As a youth I also participated in extracurricular soccer and baseball. These were the kinds of leagues where every player received a trophy at the end of the season. Somewhere in my parents' attic, I'm sure there's a box stuffed full of old tarnished trophies from my days as an "athlete."
In high school, I became quite good at debate and forensics. I won several trophies, medals and awards, and in my senior year I even won districts and participated in the state finals in poetry and prose reading (sounds really manly, right?).
Jamie tells me that in second grade, she won first place in a multi-school speech contest by giving a speech - and a rap - about fire safety. Here, I kid you not, are the lyrics of the rap:
Fire fire fire fire, put it out,
When you see a fire, scream and shout!
When you see a fire, get your feet on the run,
Take it to the nearest phone and dial 9-1-1!
And of course, years later, Jamie won me as a trophy husband.
Back in my journalism days, I always dreamed that someday I could win a Pulitzer Prize. They were the highest honors given in my chosen field. And during the course of a 10-year career, I never came anywhere close.
Now I covet one particular award, an award they give out at Acme Co. for outstanding customer service. Several of my peers have won it. I want one. My friend Ty won the award a few weeks ago, and I wrote on this blog how I taped my name over his on the trophy. Now I want one with my name etched.