Today's fortune: Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues.
I gotta say, I've never heard of a bird becoming entangled by its feet. That's a new one for me. At first, I thought was a bit of Engrish, but a source no less lofty than The New York Times attributes the quote to Thomas Fuller, a 17th-Century British writer and priest. So either birds were more clumsy in the 1600s or Thomas Fuller was a nut.
Oh, and it's also worth noting that the writer of this fortune plagiarized it directly from Thomas Fuller.
In the spirit of this fortune, I went looking for birds today, and along the way I became unalterably entangled by my own tongue.
We did our bird watching on my parents' front porch. Today was lovely in Kansas City, with temperatures hovering in the upper 60s and low 70s all day and a nice breeze keeping the air circulating. The birds were out in force, as they always are in my parents' front yard, swarming around the two large bird feeders my dad mounted on a wooden post. The birds were kinda pissed today, though, because the feeders are empty.
As we sat there watching the birds, my mom mentioned the name of somebody from our past. I replied, "Ever since high school I've never liked that guy." When my wife asked why, the smart, sophisticated man I am, I answered her.
"Because when we were in high school I was trying to go out with this girl, but that guy told her I was a loser and she shouldn't go out with me."
"You're still pretty upset about that, huh?" my wife Jamie replied. "You'd probably still be with that girl today if he hadn't told her that."
At this point, I knew I had fallen into a crevasse from which there was no escape. Tell you what, my foot doesn't taste very good. And that sucker was planted deep in my mouth.